A Christmas hug (and other awkward moments)

Earlier this month, the boys and I went to the zoo to watch the animals open their Christmas presents.  The small monkeys (not sure of their exact “monkey” name…Laura, does that irk you?  Ha!) had just received their wrapped presents and were checking them out.  When the first mystery monkey, henceforth referred to as MM1, began to open his gift, curiosity got the best of MM2 and he walked over to observe.  At this point, at least 30 people, mostly kids, were watching.  You know where this is going right?  MM1 stopped opening the gift when MM2 got close to it and MM2 began “relations” with it.  The crowd became silent and the parents looked around at one another to see who could come up with the best way to explain what was happening.  Of course, Jack was the first kid to speak up:

 “Mom, the monkeys are excited about their Christmas presents, aren’t they?”

Me:  “Ah, they sure are.  I think the monkeys are giving each other a Christmas hug.”

I awkwardly looked around to get the approval of the other parents…I got the nod and smirk from them and, thankfully, the monkeys went back to their presents, which by the way, were fruits and a rope toy.

A few days later, Buddy, the neighbor’s dog came over for a play date with Dave.  (He comes to our porch when the neighbors are outside with him.  He shakes his collar to make a noise and when Dave hears it, he runs to the front door.  When I open the door, Buddy comes in and he and Dave go run around in the backyard for a few minutes.  It’s really cute.)  Anyway, Buddy had just been over so I took Dave out front with us while the boys played.  I walked Dave over to see Buddy again at the neighbor’s house and the boys came over to tell the neighbors about how he and Dave love to play together in our backyard.  They also go on to tell them how Dave was giving Buddy a “Christmas hug” and how happy Dave must be that it’s almost Christmas.  It was awkward and then I felt obligated to explain to them about what had happened at the zoo.  Also, their 15 year old daughter and her friend were there and I felt somewhat judged by the whole situation and how I handled it.  I can never get out of these situations without them backfiring on me.  I’m sure it won’t be long now before one of the boys asks me what kind of hug Dave is giving Buddy since it’s no longer Christmas time.  Friendship hug?

I finally figured out the problem…

I am the problem.

Jack and I were in the car yesterday and he said to me, “Mom, when we get home, I want to show you something funny”.  I said, “Jack, is it going to have something to do with your butt again?  Why do you think that’s so funny?”  He then said, “Mom, it’s ALWAYS about my butt and you ALWAYS laugh at least a little.”

See…I am the problem.

The gross cannot be out-grossed

There are only a few, precious things I want more than for my boys to stop picking their noses and eating the results of a successful pick.  In this order, I want a healthy and happy family, a life surrounded with loving family and friends, and for my boys to stop picking their noses.  I’ve tried several approaches to get them to stop…shame, guilt, embarrassment…they’ve had no impact at all.  A few days ago, the boys and I were in the car and I glanced in the rear view mirror.  Jack was, of course, picking his nose.  So I decided to try to out-gross them by telling them that every time I see them picking their noses, I would make them stick their fingers in their ears, scoop out some ear wax, and eat it.  They were not deterred.  Both of them, at the same time, stuck their fingers in their ears, sniffed at the ear wax…and, I don’t know what happened next because I quickly averted my eyes and gave my full and undivided attention to driving.  But, the damage had been done and now the boys wanted to talk ALL about ear wax.  We have a weekly ear cleaning routine so on Wednesday nights, right after they step out of the shower, there I am, Q-tip in hand, ready to clean those nasty ears.  This can be kind of exciting because well, sometimes I get some good size nuggets out and we all marvel at them.  Sometimes other people in the house get called into the bathroom to see.  Anyway, I’m getting off track here but my point is that I really thought they got that ear wax was gross.  I was wrong… if boogers are not gross, why would ear wax be?  Hello!!  So I learned my lesson, once again, and will just have to live with having to tell them to keep their fingers out of their ears too.  Maybe I’ll give the shame approach another try.