Coming up with new ways to motivate my kids is a huge job. For a while something will work and then within a few weeks the effectiveness wears off…and it seems to happen all at once, not gradually. One morning, they’re happily doing their chores so they can earn their coveted raffle tickets (which can be used to buy toys or get special privileges) and the next morning, the ticket is not worth the weird blue paper it’s printed on. A long time ago, my husband started giving me “WTF” looks about how often I change stuff but he does not really understand that it’s my job to teach our boys how to get their jobs done on their own…even if they’re motivated by rewards and it takes me five (or ten) times longer to get them to do than it would take me to do it myself. So many times, I’ve held back the urge to just give up and just get it done, but I would not be doing my boys or myself any favors. I have no intention of cleaning up after them even a minute after I realize they can do it on their own.
So here’s what I’m getting to: Jack and Callen are all about speed. Jack says, “How fast was that?” “Look how fast I can do this”. Callen, my back seat driver, is always telling me to pass other cars and to “go speed, Mom!” (fast). As fast as Jack likes to go sometimes, he is incredibly slow when it comes to doing easy tasks for me, especially if it means he will be out of my sight for a few minutes and he may be able to get away with something without me seeing. (He’s such an opportunist). Last night I was doing dishes and I remembered that a sippy cup and sports bottle had been rolling around on the floor in the backseat of my car...um, for a while. Anyway, I had an idea: “Hey Jack, I’ve noticed how fast you’ve been running the bases at TBall, how fast do you think you can run out to my car and grab the sippy cup and water bottle on the backseat floor?” He said, “time me!” and ran off toward the garage and came running back with the cups. It was a small victory, but I’ll take it.
My second victory yesterday, I cannot take credit for. This one I owe to my long-time friend Stephanie. She told me that when her friend’s daughter lies, they tell the girl to stick out her tongue…if she’s lying, they tell her that there is a black line on her tongue. Yesterday, Jack and Callen were playing in Jack’s room, and like always, Callen started crying. He is not a cry baby, but Jack, knows how to stir things up, and seems to enjoy doing so. So, Jack bit Cal on the thumb, and despite the distinctive teeth marks, he lied and said he did not do it. I put him in time out and told him to stick out his tongue. “Jack, there is a black line on your tongue and you’re almost six, do you know what that means?” “No.” “Well, when kids are about six, they begin to get a black line on their tongue so that their parents will know when they’re lying…and Jack, the line on your tongue is very dark. Do you want to tell me the truth now?” “I bit Callen”, he said. I know I’m lying to Jack to stop him from lying, but reasoning with him until I’m blue in the face has never worked. I can reason with Callen, but Jack needs to know that he is busted and he does not stop trying to get away with stuff until he is absolutely convinced that the game is over. They are just different that way, and as a parent I have to adjust to that in a way that works, even if my methods are not ideal.
Okay, this is a bit longer than I intended and the boys are beginning to get restless. So my “take away” from yesterday is that as the boys get older, I need to get more creative. I’m not a yeller, but yes, I have gone there. I’m not perfect, I’ve make plenty of mistakes. I’ve been so incredibly aggravated, that almost a year ago, I kicked the bottom part of our sofa because I didn’t know what else to do and my foot just recently stopped being sore. Being “creatively persuasive” is working for now and I’m not going to bed regretting having raised my voice or nursing a sore foot. And it totally works!!!!!! (for now).
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