What I said: “We don’t need bananas.”
What Blanton heard: “We need bananas.”
Result: 26 bananas
What I say: “Stop picking your nose!”
What Jack hears: “Pick your nose whenever you want…especially when we’re in public. Oh, and don’t forget to eat it because you know how much I love that.”
What I say: “Jack, leave Callen alone. He’s playing quietly in his room so don’t start with him.”
What Jack hears: “Jack, Callen has been playing quietly and the silence is getting really old. Please disturb him so much that he gets upset, hits or bites you, thereby setting off a chain reaction for the 10th time this morning. It’s been almost 20 minutes since the last time I wanted to violently plunge safely scissors into my ears so my brains slowly leak out and prevent me from hearing all noise except the beating of my own heart.“
What I say: “Hey boys, we’re late. Get dressed, brush teeth and hair, and let’s get out the door.”
What Jack and Callen hear: “We have all the time in the world. Does it really matter that Daddy and I paid hard earned money for you to play TBall, soccer, or whatever it is I’m trying to get you ready for? Yes, take your time. No really, I enjoy putting so much work into something for you and then having to tell you a million times to get ready for it. Makes perfect sense.”
What I said: “No, we’re not almost there.”
What Jack and Callen hear: “No, we’re not almost there, but good news! We’ll get there faster if you ask me 500 more times.”
What Jack says: “I’m behaving and Callen’s not, right Mom?”
What Jack means: “Callen is in trouble and I love every minute of it.”
The girls and I all laughed our heads off as I tried to read this to them!
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